A few years ago on the Long Island Rail Road , I sat next to a friend from Shul. At the time our Shul was going through a transition and I asked my friend, who was involved with the goings on there why he had not put himself forward as a candidate for president. He pointed to the buttered roll and coffee in his hand and said to me “I got these at John’s Coffee Shop and I don’t think it appropriate for the president of an Orthodox Shul. “ I answered him with what I thought was a simple yet pertinent point, “so you won’t go to John’s for a couple of years.
That friend never did become the president but that incident reminds me of some tough issues we face as observant Jews and modern people. In the eyes of many, being an observant Jew in America today offers little or no dilemmas, especially here in the New York City
Then there are people like me. I’m obviously quite familiar with the availability of kosher food and the tolerance shown to people of all religions and ethnicities in the working world. Yet I choose not to wear a kippah to work (may that be the worst of my sins). I remember some years back, my father came to visit me at the office, and he noticed a gentleman wearing a kippah. “Does he work here too?” asked my father. “Yes” I answered. “So why does he wear his kippah and you don’t?” While my response offers no scholarly reasoning, I think it makes sense, well to me anyway. My answer was simple, that particular gentleman who was wearing his yarmulke at work, well he is a much better representative of the yarmulke than I am. Whether, my language is sometimes colorful or for other reasons, I just feel by covering my head I bring attention to my people rather than to myself in a setting where the attention should be focused solely on me. Of course if I just wore the kippah, I might be compelled to act appropriately as one representing what it means. But that’s another column.
For now, I’m just going to go with this being a toss up in my eyes. I can write ad infinitum about how much more damaging it is for an outwardly observant Jew to act inappropriately than one less obviously ethnic. Desecration of The Name (chilul Hashem) is a sin not reserved for any one particular group. And I mean that about everything, from not giving up a seat on the train to someone who needs it, to double parking on Central Avenue on a Friday afternoon, to someone committing serious crimes with their glaringly obvious Jewish names making the papers. Reminds me of a rabbi who was one of my teachers in high school, who once told us that if we feel compelled to make out with our girlfriends in a movie theatre to do so without our yarmulke on.
Recently, a friend saw me walking on Central Avenue it was a Sunday and for a reason that eludes me now my head was completely uncovered. He, being a good friend, pointed out to me that in our neighborhood there is no good reason for me not to wear my kippah scolded, I agreed with him and corrected the error. I go to an Orthodox Shul in the area, sent my kids to Yeshiva and I wasn’t at work then. In short, the only thing I was doing was making a statement that frankly no one cared to hear from me and wasn’t much of a statement.
I have become all too aware that I belong to something much me bigger than me, and while the slogan might be “membership has its privileges” it should say “membership has its obligations.” Many will argue that I am drawing lines (tell me who doesn’t) and considering where I stand on certain issues, that makes me hypocritical (tell me who isn’t); well, guilty as charged. Call me crazy, but I think if you take a lay leadership position in a local Shul, you should wear your yarmulke in town. If your business gets kosher certification you shouldn’t be seen at the Sherwood Diner, even if it’s only ice cream you are eating. And here’s my craziest thought, when you wear your religion outwardly, refrain from illegal U turns, double parking, aggressive driving and countless other minor offenses that make us as a community look bad. We are and should be proud of what we’ve achieved and how far we’ve come. However, our accomplishments and integration into American life does not give us license to disgrace the yarmulke. Ultimately, it’s not the yarmulke we disgrace but who and what it represents. Unfortunately, I am sometimes embarrassed by the actions of people wearing their kippah and often I am just as embarrassed by the timing of one’s choice not to wear it. Am I wrong to think that some things are simply obvious?
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