Post Mortem

I have learned a lot about human nature as result of my involvement in the "Bina Affair." Self interest seemingly trumps the greater good and the burden of proof seems to rise proportionately with the prominence of the accused. There is a sliding scale on morality and different standards are set for those with financial muscle. It is a story as old as time and frankly with all of my life experience I don't know why it still depresses me. I am known to be cynical, this episode should have been no different, but in some ways I am naive, I hoped that by telling my story and using my name I could help right a wrong. Not just a wrong against me but against many others, I was mistaken and now I'm not sure if it was worth the effort.

For those of you who never experienced it, emotional whiplash is like being hit by a falling piano; even if you look up in time to see it coming and move out of the way, the scattering pieces will get you anyway. When Rabbi Bina did his work on me, I was only 16 but already a veteran in survival skills. What he said and did was hurtful but somehow I managed to move on. I spoke about my experience over time and admittedly I was never of a fan of the man, but I didn't bad mouth him either. When my nephew went to study under Rabbi Bina some 18 years after my episode I made sure to tell him that he should be aware of his tactics, I never told him not to go. Same is true for friends who chose to send their kids to his Yeshiva.

I am an unlikely character in this story and my part in it may have remained minor if it wasn't for the fact the Rabbi's tactics seems to have affected more than just a few other kids over the years. Seeing that quite a few others were telling similar stories to mine, some even more horrific, I chose to tell mine publicly and to use my name, a symptom of the whiplash I guess. I also thought that other victims would follow my lead and lend credibility to the accusations by using their names. Unfortunately, most of the others did not use their names making the story seem less credible; now it was one being told by sissies afraid of confronting their tormentor or just sour grapes by kids who didn't like Rabbi Bina's strictness. I am not blaming the victims here, but considering the push back I have received from the Rabbi's supporters I don't blame them for remaining anonymous.

Let me be clear, most of the feedback to me has been positive and supportive. Even contemporaries of mine who studied under Rabbi Bina around the time I did, who are still big fans of his today, have acknowledged the plausibility of my story and expressed sympathy to me. My classmates for the most part do remember the incident and are retroactively sympathetic. Therein lies my point about self interest. Rabbi Bina's system, quite successful in the eyes of many, relies on lifting certain, perhaps most students up, the downside is that it comes at the expense of others, perhaps even a small minority. It's still a type of survival of the fittest situation, where the stronger ones get the positive treatment, the invitations to the house for Shabbat, the adulation, the favoritism, the love. The rest have their bodies left on the side of the road for others to pick up and deal with. Ah, but to be the recipient of that positive reinforcement, how privileged one must feel when the bull in the china shop stops by your shelf and calmly licks your hand and lets you take a pleasant ride on his back. It's enough to make you thank God and turn you into a good Jew, one who will support your fearless Rabbi and look at his antics against the weak and unfortunate as collateral damage, the cost of doing business, the cost of being chosen.

To us, that minority that were swatted down like flies on hot and humid day it is hard to see how this rabbi is considered successful. It is not hard for us to see how his other students adore him, he buys their affection by delivering his venom to others. But we do wonder how the leadership of our community does not see the transparency of the tactic and the cost in emotional life to those affected. And please don't preach to me that Rabbi Bina is an acquired taste or not for everybody. Education ideally shows no discrimination; Jewish education certainly not. Those of us who could not hack Rabbi Bina's program deserved the decency of deciding that for ourselves or at minimum to be treated with basic dignity. That I believe, is a Torah value let alone a human one.

I for one forgive Rav Bina, not that he's ever asked for it, but I do not speak for the others, anonymous or not. For that Rabbi Bina will have to be aware that a sin committed "bayn adam l'chavero" (between man and man) even Yom Kippur "ayno michaper" (Yom Kipper does not forgive) unless he asks for it. We are taught that no man is without sin, even Moses, thus unless the rabbi has surpassed Moses in greatness we can assume that he is not without sin. Since I am skeptical that any inquiry or action will be done I can only hope that with the publicity will serve as a warning label to future applicants to his Yeshiva. In the end, I too need forgiveness from those I should have warned earlier. I hope all of you can find it in your hearts to forgive me and I hope too that Rabbi Bina forgives me too, my intention was to help the weak ones not to exact revenge against him. I pray he is as forgiving to me as I am to him.