Yesterday I posted a true story about what happened to me some 30 years ago at Yeshivat Hakotel, then run by Rav Aharon Bina. I went further and told of more recent incidents that happened to other students under the tutelage of Rav Bina. My purpose was to try and save other students from going through what I went through and to hope for action by our area Yeshivot. However, the age of the internet is a dangerous one in that as soon as you hit the send button, there really is no way of taking it back.
I had a long conversation with a rabbi who is very dear to me and my family after I sent out my statement. I should have had the conversation with him first. As the rabbi explained to me, Lashon Hara - evil tongue, is not about falsehoods, it's about the truth. There are good reasons we have laws regarding Lashon Hara, most importantly we as individuals cannot comprehend the consequences of our words.
For the sin of Lashon Hara - specifically against Rav Aharon Bina I ask him and Hakadosh Baruch Hoo for forgiveness. Unfortunately, my words are out there and since they are in fact 100% true I cannot retract them. While I stand by my words, I have rethought my actions. In my attempt to help others I have hurt a person who has dedicated his life to Jewish education. While therapeutic to me it is harmful to him and those of his students who love him and care about him. For this I am sincerely sorry. I hope that one day Rav Bina will take the time to realize that some of the things he's done and said have been hurtful and are in need of mechila as well.
Yoel, the Rabbi who spoke to you was misguided. Gary Rosenblatt struggled with this issue prior to publishing the Baruch Lanner story. He consulted with a leading Rabbi specifically about the lashon hara issue. This is what he wrote:
ReplyDeleteHe said in the end mine was a judgment call. If there was anything I could do to resolve the existing danger to the community and not publish the story, I should do so. On the other hand, he continued, if I believed that unless the story was published, the danger would continue, I was not only permitted but obligated to publish.
I believe that you found yourself in the same position. After years of nothing happening and children being subjected to the same abuse, you felt not only a need, but an obligation to write what you wrote. Your purpose was not to defame an individual but to warn the innocent and goad others into action. There is nothing for you to say "al het" about!
In mitigation of your actions:
ReplyDelete1) I believe there's an exception to lashon hara where the person's action is already publicly known.
2) As diezmacho stated above, there are also exceptions when the intent is to protect another from harm. (E.g., there is no sin of lashon hara when you are asked about someone for purposes of a shidduch).
3) You really didn't slam the guy. You basically said that he makes comments that are often experienced as hurtful, even if he was trying to be funny - and that such comments are inappropriate from someone in his position. That's not such an awful thing to say.
4) You've sincerely apologized for possible transgression. It would be really nice if after all these you received an apology for what was said to you.
Thanks for your support - the rabbi whom I spoke with is not at all misguided. He is someone I trust with my spiritual life and in most respects open minded and liberal. His point to me was that "the damage was done" what I needed to do was repair the damage to my soul. While I stand by what I wrote it is after all 100% true and can be collaborated, I am sorry that it is me that had to bring it to light.
ReplyDeleteas adults, we know not to take things personally,
ReplyDeletewe are Teflon
we have bullet-proof vests
it is the other person's issue
but children are so fragile
we can only hope that they confide in us
and that we can help them